Can you put yourself in others’ shoes?

To be a good citizen, it's important to be able to put yourself in other people's shoes and see the big picture. If everything you see is rooted in your own identity, that becomes difficult or impossible. Eli Pariser.

Writers, and actors both know that the ability to see the world from others’ perspectives lies at the heart of what they do. Whatever character or world they are creating requires them to detach themselves from their own outlook, values and prejudices.

Good leaders also need that ability to ‘walk in others’ shoes’. Whether its in managing a team, leading a negotiation or selling into a new market, understanding other people’s perspective is a vital skill for good leaders.

What do they want?

In business, many leaders know that successful negotiation requires them to understand what the other side needs. It’s a two-way process and if you are clear what might work for the other side, that will help determine your own position and tactics.

One of Ronald Reagan’s strengths as US President was his ability to put himself in other’s shoes. His relationship and negotiations with Soviet leader Michael Gorbachev helped to bring the Cold War to an end, which was an extraordinary achievement. Perhaps being an actor helped him.

Yet this willingness to see things from someone else’s viewpoint is rare amongst many business leaders or directors. Whether its managing a team, or trying to solve a complex problem, the default approach tends to be based on narrow and often engrained views built up over decades. Getting them to step back and to address the issue from other people’s perspectives can be a real challenge.

Gestalt principles

As a coach I find applying the principles of Gestalt really helpful with clients. Gestalt principles stem from work over a hundred years ago by German psychologists, notably Fritz Perls. The starting point is that in a constantly changing world we all tend - understandably - to narrow our perspective to make sense of things. We then interpret our world through that prism.

Over the years that single view can prevent us from seeing and understanding the whole picture.

Gestalt coaching for me is about helping people engage all the senses and adapting fresh perspectives to generate new insights, choices and possibilities.

This may sound woolly, but it’s really about helping people realise that their current viewpoint isn’t the only one. You can imagine how difficult some of my former Parliamentary colleagues find this! Put simply its about helping people understand the whole picture.

How might applying Gestalt principles help us in the workplace? Let’s take a classic problem which coachees raise with me – working with someone they either dislike, or find difficult to manage.

The empty chair technique

When you are leading a team with such a person it can lead to intense frustration. One of my coachees let rip about a particular team member and how they refused to do what he wanted. This had clearly become personal and the coachee said they didn’t know which way to turn.

It seemed to me that they needed some objectivity to look at the situation more dispassionately. So I got them to physically move in the room, to help them approach the issue differently. I applied the empty chair technique, where the coachee moves between three chairs.

The first chair allows the coachee to say what they really want to say to the third party – in the Empty Chair. Then, with time to let them shake off that viewpoint, they sit in the second chair and take on the manner and view of the third party. Initially my coachee found this difficult because they had never looked at themselves from the other person’s perspective. After a long pause, I sensed a growing realisation about how that third party saw them.

When we reached the third chair, I asked them to explain how they saw the exchange, between these two individuals, as if they were merely observing it.

This physical enactment of different perspectives helped change not just how the coachee regarded the ‘difficult person’ but also what really mattered in moving forward as a team. It’s a technique which can be revealing and perhaps uncomfortable – because it may lead to the expression of feelings which the coachee may not initially have been aware of.

Do their shoes pinch?

Gestalt techniques aren’t only for dealing with individuals. They apply where a coachee’s view has become fixed, unable to progress. Often it’s about work relationships or communication, but not always.

Walking in others’ shoes isn’t easy, especially when we have no empathy with those people. However as leaders, challenging how we perceive the problems we face is something we should all embrace, no matter how much those ‘shoes’ may pinch.

I have coached or mentored several senior business leaders on this issue and would be pleased to see if I can help you. Go to ‘How I coach’ for more about my approach and my contact details.